Anyways

The weather was beautiful over the long weekend, so we went hiking with the kids. We've been missing out by not hiking more in the fall. We returned to a location that we visited in the past; it was a lot more fun without the summer heat. I tried to get some photos for Christmas cards. We are still challenged by simultaneously looking in the same direction.

This week, I'm trying to make some progress on finding the next childcare option. I'm back to looking at au pairs. It's an up and down process. When I'm feeling discouraged about the child care options, I start questioning whether my job is worth it. I don't feel like anything I'm doing at work is very important. And I don't feel like I fit in with my colleagues. I don't go to work and love my office or my job. In the past, I HAVE worked in offices where I love either the people and/or the job. This office, not so much.  I think... I have to be patient, I have to wait longer, I have to give it more of a chance. I am learning things! I really am; maybe it's just slower than I would like. Also, I think the firm has a lot of potential to do good/better work...but I wonder if they want to do better. I really, really like to work with people who are ambitious and challenge themselves (and me)!

On the other hand, when I come across an interesting potential au pair, then a bit of relief floods over me and I think, Good! I can keep working! Because I really want to do this! I really want to practice architecture again, and I can't give up yet! It will get better, I know it will, if I just have the time to persist. Certainly, all my mixed feelings about my job are not resolved by returning to SAHMing.