Wipe it Away

You know what I miss? 

Disinfectant wipes. 

Truth be told: I've always felt a guilty pleasure about using them. It's sort of ridiculous, right? Premoistened single-use toweletts in a big plastic tub – or plastic wrapping – how wasteful!! How bad for the environment! How toxic! And yet... yet...(they are so convenient!)...I sort of love them. 

The last several months – while they have been challenging to get and expensive to buy, even when one does find them – I have been consciously repeating the refrains about the environmental evilness and unneccesary-ness of single use disinfecting wipes ad nauseam. Meanwhile, the unconscious side of my brain works on why I love them so much. 

Early on in the pandemic, Fritz decided we could make our own disposable disinfectant wipes. We saved our empty containers. Fritz found a place on online to buy towelettes that wouldn't disintegrate when pre-moistened. We mixed up our our own disinfecting solution. Noah named it "Tub of Pool" because after it's pungent aroma. And when it stopped smelling like Pool one week later, we learned all about the shelf life of chlorine. 

These attempts at make-our-own disinfectant wipes have just reinforced the brilliance of the ones I used to buy, pre-made, in the store. The pre-made towelettes have just the right amount of durability. They are the perfect size. They wipe away the hourly-accumulating mysterious brown smudges in the Wyse Household with efficiency and thoroughness. And I know – I know – I'm just foisting extra work and damage on Mother Earth when I say this...but...it's one less piece of laundry for me to do.

sigh.

For six months I've told myself to get over it, find some new methods, grow a spine. But it's just not happening. If only I could wipe away my addiction as easily as the brown smudges in my house. 

Contact, Contacts

This Stay at Home stuff just DRAGS on and on. I mean, I suppose we could start going out more, but, like many people, we don't really feel safe enough yet. Watching other states' infection rates surge, and our own state's infection rate creep back upward, the best strategy seems to be avoid contact with others. We wear masks, we wash hands, we socially distance. And we DO stay (mostly) at home. But it's really getting old. I try to tell myself this is a stamina competition, because, really, the only way I can muster any enthusiasm is by making it a competition.

There are a few reasons I've ventured out lately and most of them have to do with my aunt and her medical needs. That means I've been to the hospital and a few doctor's offices. I have to steel myself a bit before I go; I try to remember that these medical places are the last places that want to be identified as a location having an outbreak. In theory, they should be more cautious and more safe than the grocery store. In practice, I don't know...sometimes, I feel like these medical places are so desperate to resume business that seeing patients is a risk they take merely for the income.

Case in point for useless appointments - the one I had with my ophthalmologist, who refused to issue me a new contact lens prescription. It had been three years since my last contact lens prescription. (I wear my glasses a lot.) But last year, I'd gotten a new eyeglass prescription. You would think that they could have written a new contact lens prescription based on the glasses. But no, they needed me to come in for a contact lens fitting. And to test my vision. AGAIN. And after lots of fogging up of the their eye testing machine (because that happens when you wear a mask), and dilated pupils, and trying on contacts that were the wrong prescription but the right diameter, and yada-yada, they discovered SURPRISE! my eye balls are the same size they were three years ago and SURPRISE! my eyesight is the same as last year. I was pretty furious by the time I left, because it was all such a lot of unnecessary exposure, as much for the people working in the office as for myself.

I would have continued wearing my glasses indefinitely, were it not for the fact that I thought I should start running. I feel determined to keep running, just so I can say I did something worthwhile while avoiding people. Anyways: one day I went running with neither glasses (which are just inconvenient) nor contacts (because I was trying to save the few pairs I had left). Then I tripped and fell while running. Unlike my kids, I discovered it took my two-score-and-three-year-old body WEEKS to heal. I was reminded that I am old enough to be cautious about injury. AND I should probably wear some sort of prescriptive vision correction, lest I trip and make contact with the pavement again.

Random Stuff Happening Under Stay at Home Orders

Using Zoom or FaceTime:

• One kid went on a backyard campout.
• We attended a wedding.
• Fritz presented to his colleagues in Germany.
• One kid had a grill cookout.
• We played Settlers of Catan.

We've been using Costco/Instacart for deliveries. we discovered that Costco is letting Instacart shoppers enter the store and complete their shopping outside of normal business hours – which,  I think, is good. I know it's unlikely, but I do wish grocery stores would close to the general public and convert to parking lot pickup and delivery. Or maybe just half of the grocery stores. It would be so much safer for everyone, and probably a hell of a lot more efficient.

I'm gaining weight. I've decided that now is not the time to fuss over food (or losing weight). So I'm trying to keep focused on simply Eat Mostly Healthy, Get Some Exercise Everyday. The End. (But we are at the point of Needing Bigger Sized Clothing. Ugh.)

Trixie and I have been running together in the morning. Historically, I am miserable running with other people. I like to run ONLY when it is Alone Time. But Trixie, at 6 years old, had proven to be a pretty good running partner for my out-of-shape self. And she's actually into it, which is something I could never ignite in either of her older brothers. 

A funny story - Noah - age 13 - got a smart phone. (Honestly, I don't know how we'd be sane in the current situation without giving the kid his own phone).  When he got the phone, he set up Siri with voice commands. And...in the course of the last 5 weeks, Siri has stopped responding his "Hey Siri!"  Noah's Siri only now responses to Mattias - age 10. Hello, adolescent voice change. Guess AI hasn't figured out that one yet.

Double Hump

One of my confidants told me this weekend that she saw a family in masks walk past her house on the street. And she grew quite annoyed by their masks, until she was pierced by the desire to yell at them to take off their masks and breathe some fresh air!

I thought about this comment for a long time afterwards. It seemed that the comments revealed less about the choice of the family to wear mask and more about her desire for the pandemic to be over, or her frustration with the stay at home orders, or her own weariness of feeling protected to the point of trapped. I believe we are all getting weary of staying at home.

And it doesn't help that so many things don't work right now. If you wanted to be tested for covid-19, you probably couldn't be. If you need some protective equipment or toilet paper, you can't get it. If you thought you were going to get a relief payment from the federal government, you probably didn't. If you applied for a small business loan, you most likely heard nothing. If one of your family members was hospitalized, you may have very little idea of how they are doing. If you want to work, you maybe can't.

Words are meaningless if they are not backed up by action. There are lots of words from the federal government, but no actions.

My brother shrugs his shoulders and says to me over the phone, from thousands of miles away, "It is what it is."

No. I tell him. It is what we've let it become. Stop contributing to this self-fulfilling prophecy of helplessness.

I watched the protests unfold this weekend and I struggled with my own sense of frustration and helplessness. But the scary reality that we are all about to face in the US is how little we have done to really address this virus over the last month of staying at home. Sure, we stayed home. But it wasn't enough. We didn't really do that hard work over the course of the last month to get us out of this mess. That means: we didn't do enough testing, we didn't set up isolation health centers, we didn't figure out how to ramp up our in-country supply production/manufacturing, we didn't make enough plans to phase back into opening society safely, we didn't teach people (apparently) enough about the importance of masks. (And by the way, DOING that type of preparation provides jobs for people and helps the economy a lot more than throwing money at airlines, cruise ships and hotels.) But now, everybody is antsy and angry and the pathetic actions by the federal government have made the situation worse than necessary.

Here's what happened to the death rates in my hometown when we eased restrictions too soon, 101 years ago:

Inventory

Here in the Wyse Home City, in response to the coronavirus, schools have closed. Libraries are closed. Rec Centers are closed. Athletics are canceled. Universities have closed and/or moved to online learning. Churches are closed. Some small businesses have closed. Grocery stores have reduced hours of operations. Concerts, sporting events, performances are canceled. Even at the neighborhood level, we are all giving each other a 6 feet berth on the sidewalk. The changes came very quickly, and it's hard to believe how different it was just a week ago.

We are taking the social distancing seriously, and most of the people around us seem to be doing the same. My biggest concern is not really for my immediate family, but for the risk that my stick-it-in-my-mouth, handwashing-adverse kids pose to older and more vulnerable people. I'd like to tell you that I've managed to make my kids Models of Hygienic Discipline, but the would be An Outright Lie.

When school announced it was closing, there was one last day of school before the break was to begin. Mattais told me he was glad to go to school, because it made it seem like everything was normal. (That's a huge credit to his teachers, who have obviously done an awesome job maintaining a calm environment in the classrooms!) We talked a lot about how canceling school was something that we are doing for other people, not for ourselves. Noah and Mattias seem to find it comforting to know that this is how they can help other people. Trixie is still a little young to really get it; in fact, she keeps forgetting that she won't be back in school tomorrow!

Both Fritz and I are now (indefinitely) working from home. The kiddos are officially on extended spring break until April 7th. I'm mentally preparing myself for the idea that they may be off for the rest of the school year. I'm devouring articles with projections of infection rate. I realize the data is almost impossible to use for prediction because our testing is so spotty, but my take away from what I'm reading is that infection rates will climb for the next 2-3 week – and then, with 2-3 weeks of climbing numbers – will we really be ready to jump back into school? I think not.

Last night, I lost myself in a movie we were watching with the kids. When it was over, I had the strange jolt not that I was returning to normal life, but rather that I was returning to a new reality as foreign to me as the movie.

One thing that is clear after a mere two days at home is that we eat SO MUCH FOOD. I'm thinking a lot about home delivery of groceries. We've never done this; and I guess now is a good time to start. Or maybe it's a horrible time to start because everyone else will be starting, too. I don't know. When I read about grocery stores limiting the number of patrons at one time, and people standing in lines, I think delivery sounds like the way to go, although I know delivery is experiencing its own problems and shortages. I'm thinking Amazon Fresh – their business model is already set up, their product is coming from a warehouse, not a store (less opportunity for contagion). It's not relying on an internet gig economy worker (although I'm thinking Amazon has only a slightly better reputation.) Do you use delivery? Is it working for you? 

Anecdotally

So, on Saturday, we did that thing where we stocked the pantry in preparation for possible quarantines.

The kids are thrilled. They have already managed to eat half the granola bars that I bought as a quarantine treat. Forget stocking the pantry, I need to be locking the pantry.

***

My mother-in-law tells us two stories from Germany. One: The government is bracing for a a large outbreak in the next two weeks as a large number of Germans visited Italy for Carnival. Two: her tenants are heading to Spain on vacation. "Aren't you worried about the coronavirus?" she asked. "Well," they answered, "if we get sick in Germany or get sick in Spain makes no difference. We shouldn't let that keep us from enjoying our vacation."

***

On Democratic primary candidates: comparing Bloomberg's preparedness speech to Warren's preparedness speech from almost the same time on Saturday night is revealing. I'm really tired of how many politician have nothing substantive to say. Why are you talking if your words don't have new information? This is a particular problem among the male population.

Remember those early years of elementary school when some kids would raise their hands to answer questions when THEY HAD NO IDEA WHAT THE ANSWER WAS? It was almost always the boys doing this. Obviously, some still do this. Except at ages 73, 77, 78,  we call them politicians and act like this behavior is not just acceptable, but exemplifies LEADERSHIP. It's bull$hit.

***

I voted for Warren. We need to get serious about moving this country forward in a principled and strategic way.

***

Also: did you know that cognitive flexibility decreases with age? Cognitive flexibility allows us to learn and solve problems. Do you think the average age of our elected government officials might have something to do with our governmental disfunction? What do you think: is there any hope it will get better?

BTW, please update your blog...

I was born in Iowa and the majority of my large extended family still lives in Iowa. When I was 7 years old, my family moved to Massachusetts. My cousins, young and unfiltered, and still in Iowa, kept me updated on how my perceptions of Iowa should have changed.

"You think we are all dumb hicks, chewing on hay and wearing straw hats."

I did? That's what I thought?

"But that's okay," my 11 year old cousin would add. "Because we think you are snobby Mayflower pilgrims."

I have never been ashamed of my Iowa roots. And I have never thought of my cousins as hicks. In fact, I always felt like they were far more stylish and knowledgeable than me. When their 4H projects won awards and they suddenly owned a week's worth of Z. Cavariccis, I was pretty firmly convinced that I was missing out.

I should clarify my earlier statement. I was never ashamed of my Iowa roots until 2016, when Iowa went red in the national election. My uncle said, "You just don't understand how badly people want change."

In December 2016, I was still disappointed enough that I skipped sending out Christmas/New Years cards to my Midwest relatives. I skipped again in 2017 and 2018. In 2019, I sent some cards.

There's a lot of reasons I'm not blogging very much lately, and the political situation is certainly one of them. I'm so discouraged by what I see; I don't like to be political; and yet I'm so horrified  that I can't NOT say something when given access to a public forum. This is not a version of myself that I like, and it's not a place that I'm comfortable to be. I don't want to fight with anybody, actually. But I DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW ANYONE'S VALUES HAVE SUNK SO LOW THAT THIS LEADERSHIP AND THEIR ACTIONS ARE ACCEPTABLE. THESE ARE NOT AMERICANS THAT I KNOW. Also: Iowa's caucus debacle is fresh in my mind, adding insult to injury.

Primary season, in general, frequently leaves me disappointed. I look for candidates who clearly articulate a VISION that I agree with. Then I want to know if that candidate can back it up. Its strange how little Vision we get during the primaries. Is that because we only have two parties and the candidates in the primaries are expected to adhere to the generally accepted party's Vision? In 2016, I liked Bernie Sanders because of his Vision. I think he's still got Vision. But after 4 years of watching him, I'm a little less convinced that he's got the support and the roadmaps he'll need to make his Vision happen. I like Elizabeth Warren's plans, but I worry that her Vision is basically to get rid of money in politics. It feels a little reactive, not proactive. I liked Pete Buttigieg a few months ago; lately I'm worried that his positions are more about crowd-pleasing and less about his Vision. I actually have no idea what his Vision is. And I have no idea if he can back it up...although I DO trust him to surround himself with really smart people - who will definitely have experience - but who may or may not support his undefined Vision. Amy Klobuchar got in that really great spiel about FDR and "I know you" at the New Hampshire debate. It was brilliant and Vision defining, we shall see if it continues and develops. One great spiel isn't enough yet for me to vote for her. I can't really take any of the other candidates seriously: not Biden (riding on Obama's coat tails, and otherwise with a track record that I find a little suspect), not Steyer (with no government experience), and not Bloomberg (although I very much appreciate Everytown and his humorous ads.)

After primary season, Visions seem to be more clearly articulated. Two major candidates make for more contrast and an easier decision about who to support. This primary season, which is looking like it will be long, is yet another unresolved and upsetting phase in the already disturbing spectacle of the last four years. I'm trying to be optimistic: the process will yield the best candidate! But I'm not so sure that's a reality that has played out in the past.