Some day, I would very much like to have my own architecture firm. I would like to have a smaller, design oriented firm with about 5 employees. As such, I'm constantly observing from my lowly spot and thinking about things that work and don't work for me as an employee. Here are some of my observations:
The key to working as a team is less about finding people who "work well in a team" and more about finding people who are able to communicate enthusiastically and openly about what they are doing.
I have worked with both lone wolves – the sort who like to do everything themselves – and masterful delegators – who can't stop themselves from piling the work on others. Both of these types of people can be successful on a team provided that they talk and share information. Just to clarify: I don't mean people who talk in detail about what they made for dinner last night or the antics of their cat or their kid's soccer game. I mean: people who talk about the work at hand. This could include anything from what a particular project means to them, to why they are making the decisions they are making, to what they heard from so-and-so and how it relates to such-and-such task. This talk needs to more more than the stuff of meetings, but also the idle conversation at the water cooler.
Communication is the primary way we assign value in a work setting. If project specific information is not flowing among the members of a team, it is impossible to gauge value and significance. If one person is not part of the communication flow, they start to feel insignificant pretty quickly. An insignificant team member stops being a team member. On the other hand, if you want to get rid of someone quickly, this is a good strategy: stop communicating with them.
There's also a balancing of communication that needs to occur on any team between those in leadership roles and those at the bottom. Another way to think of this is mentorship. Mentorship is so important for the growth of ideas, efficiency, and people.
One common strategy I've seen at architecture firms is to task in pairs with different experience levels. For example, there may be a team of 4 people working on a project. Whenever there is meeting, two people are sent to the meeting: one senior, one junior. Sending only two people means there are never too many cooks. It also helps to clarify responsibilities. If ONLY two people go to a meeting, they are held accountable for reporting back about the meeting to the others. There's less likely to be a situation where everyone sits in a meeting, but nobody takes notes. The pairing of 2 also gives the junior person a chance to learn and the senior person a chance to lead. The leading part is every bit as important as the learning part. If the senior person is merely participating alone, they aren't forced to process the information in the same way. You know that saying? If you really want to learn something, teach someone else to do it? Such is the case here. But almost as important as being the teacher, is the opportunity to be the leader.
Alternatively, I've seen firms use the opposite strategy of always sending the two most senior people to meetings. This generally does not promote growth or learning or leadership. It tends to stop the flow of information by creating a barrier between those in the know and those on the outside. Firms that pair by seniority often tend to lack efficiency and standards in their business model: probably because there's not enough communication between the employees who are managing and the employees are who are actively doing. Privileging seniority is also a great way to end up with weak – or nonexistent – leaders.
I've rarely seen anyone capable of working effectively on more than two projects at a time. Whether it is the firm owner or an employee, dividing someone's time in more than two directions has more negative impacts than positive. If you've been reading this blog for a while, than you know that I even feel this way about children in families. As such, I do realize that sometimes it is simply unavoidable. You WILL be pulled in three – or more! – directions. In these times, it is terribly important to be able to step back and figuratively hand the reigns over to someone you trust. And that's when you should feel really confident about the leadership qualities you've been cultivating in your employees.
I'm always shy about adopting such a prescriptive tone on this blog. But I think it might be pretty useful to me in the future, so I'll leave it for now. Any other thoughts?
Wednesday, January 31, 2018
Saturday, January 27, 2018
Segue
Right now, Fritz is at the gym and I am supposed to be reading through a thick packet about opening an Simple IRA. The kids are building a fort in our upstairs loft area which means lots of mess. Their forts always begin with cleverly placed furniture and blankets and cushions. Before long, they begin outfitting the fort with paraphernalia for the enemy invasion or the coronation ceremony or market day. That's when it starts getting scary.
I'm starting to think about what I'm going to plant in the garden this year. I might venture to try biergarten radish again. The tomatoes were generally a disappointment last year, but when tomatoes are good, they are sooo good; naturally, I must persist. Especially with the ground cherry tomatoes. I'm thinking also of golden sweet peas, dragon carrots and a good number of herbs. The flower planters on the front porch were awesome last year: Why did I not have a table and chairs on the porch? This year, it will be a goal to get the bikes off the porch and replaced with the perfect mojito drinking table.
Last night, Fritz and I went out to an event and I had more drinks than I've had in a long time, although I managed not to ever feel drunk. Nonetheless, I'm always surprised by how social events make me feel REALLY overwhelmed. It takes my brain hours and hours to stop reliving every single conversation that I had - even in my sleep I'm dreaming about what was said. I just want to put on ear phones and blinders and sit very, very still.
I continue to wear the blinders of my News Media Diet. I think it's been 3 weeks since I stopped listening to / reading / watching the news. I think I might be happier than I was when I was listening to NPR all the time. I remain unconvinced that the New Media Diet is necessarily a wise decision. I still worry about being complicit. One thing that seems to slowly be sinking in is that our country has been so fundamentally changed in the last year - I don't think we can go back. During the time when I was easily appalled by the daily news cycle, I was so furious on a daily (hourly, minute-by-minute) basis, that I didn't really see the long arch of change. I felt, somehow, by being horrified, things could still be undone. But even a new election, with a different government, won't undo what has been unleashed.
I'm starting to think about what I'm going to plant in the garden this year. I might venture to try biergarten radish again. The tomatoes were generally a disappointment last year, but when tomatoes are good, they are sooo good; naturally, I must persist. Especially with the ground cherry tomatoes. I'm thinking also of golden sweet peas, dragon carrots and a good number of herbs. The flower planters on the front porch were awesome last year: Why did I not have a table and chairs on the porch? This year, it will be a goal to get the bikes off the porch and replaced with the perfect mojito drinking table.
Last night, Fritz and I went out to an event and I had more drinks than I've had in a long time, although I managed not to ever feel drunk. Nonetheless, I'm always surprised by how social events make me feel REALLY overwhelmed. It takes my brain hours and hours to stop reliving every single conversation that I had - even in my sleep I'm dreaming about what was said. I just want to put on ear phones and blinders and sit very, very still.
I continue to wear the blinders of my News Media Diet. I think it's been 3 weeks since I stopped listening to / reading / watching the news. I think I might be happier than I was when I was listening to NPR all the time. I remain unconvinced that the New Media Diet is necessarily a wise decision. I still worry about being complicit. One thing that seems to slowly be sinking in is that our country has been so fundamentally changed in the last year - I don't think we can go back. During the time when I was easily appalled by the daily news cycle, I was so furious on a daily (hourly, minute-by-minute) basis, that I didn't really see the long arch of change. I felt, somehow, by being horrified, things could still be undone. But even a new election, with a different government, won't undo what has been unleashed.
Monday, January 22, 2018
Weekend Snow
On Sunday, it snowed.
Not a lot. But enough that the roads were slippery and treacherous; such is especially the case when governments decide not to plow.
I chose to stay home all day. It was really lovely: I feel so peaceful and calm when then weather gives me permission to cocoon. Rain and snow = permission to cocoon. I also really love the clear, bright aesthetic quality of the light when it is reflecting off snow as it falls past the windows. It doesn't happen much in Denver; most of the time it's simply too sunny and too dry.
The kids played together really well for most of the day. Their independence is ever increasing, and it's a relief. We played a few board games, which everyone is finally getting old enough to play without somebody constantly knocking pieces all over the floor. The board game below is Tsuro, which we got from my brother for Christmas. Super simple, super elegant game. It's officially for ages 8+, but Trixie has no problem playing it.
(Noah's cringing because he could have won the game here by sending me off the path, but instead he kindly (and apparently inadvertently) let me continue to play.)
I also did a lot of baking on Sunday. Ostensibly, these things were for the kids: croissants, bread rolls, and brownies. I told Fritz that I was hoping to use these for the kids's lunches this week. But really, I ate more than I should and I still haven't stopped feeling unpleasant.
Not a lot. But enough that the roads were slippery and treacherous; such is especially the case when governments decide not to plow.
I chose to stay home all day. It was really lovely: I feel so peaceful and calm when then weather gives me permission to cocoon. Rain and snow = permission to cocoon. I also really love the clear, bright aesthetic quality of the light when it is reflecting off snow as it falls past the windows. It doesn't happen much in Denver; most of the time it's simply too sunny and too dry.
The kids played together really well for most of the day. Their independence is ever increasing, and it's a relief. We played a few board games, which everyone is finally getting old enough to play without somebody constantly knocking pieces all over the floor. The board game below is Tsuro, which we got from my brother for Christmas. Super simple, super elegant game. It's officially for ages 8+, but Trixie has no problem playing it.
(Noah's cringing because he could have won the game here by sending me off the path, but instead he kindly (and apparently inadvertently) let me continue to play.)
I also did a lot of baking on Sunday. Ostensibly, these things were for the kids: croissants, bread rolls, and brownies. I told Fritz that I was hoping to use these for the kids's lunches this week. But really, I ate more than I should and I still haven't stopped feeling unpleasant.
Saturday, January 20, 2018
Sorts of Work
Among other things to come out of Fritz's absence and my Media Diet is that I've actually started writing a book. For real. It seems really silly to me, because I'm still not sure I have much desire to be a writer.
Mostly, this book is born out of my over-imagination and under challenged self at work.
With regards to work: I'm really trying to be very patient and simply learn the software Revit and do all the drafting work that needs to be done anyway. I must learn! I tell myself. BUT I AM BORED OUT OF MY F*CKING MIND. Also: being, essentially, a draftsman is sort of a waste of the things I am good at. But I must learn Revit! And Revit is fine. Whatever. I'm not jumping up and down over it. It's not elegant or refined enough for my tastes. The interface is often excessive. The nomenclature is not consistent enough. It's a documentation of design program that gets a C in design of itself. Building a 3d model that generates sections and elevations and plans is supposed to be a time saver. But in reality, instead of spending time drafting plans and sections and elevations, I spend time managing the model so that it looks right in plans and sections and elevations. It's a wash on efficiency. Seeing as how knowing Revit is pretty much the only way I can have an architecture job, I suck it up and do it. If I had my own firm (some day!), I'd look at different software. Over my career there has been software that fits me like a glove and enhances my skills. And then there has been software that just gets me from point A to point B. Revit is in the latter category. However – as an architect, with projects of a certain size – I think you just get penned into the industry standard for coordination reasons, regardless of how well the software fits your approach.
That was a long aside. The point is: I respect the need to learn Revit; I respect the fact that I simply must do it to learn. I am really grateful to have the opportunity. Last year at this time, it wasn't so clear that I would have the opportunity. So I do my best to stay focused on the task at hand. However, I'm really not being optimally used, I'm dis-satisfied and sometimes even offended by some of the office dynamics, and the quality of design wants serious reinforcements (and I can't seem to figure out how to help with that), so I need to have some focus other than work. Even when I am at wallowing away at work:
Now that I've started writing my book, the words just flow. I ditched my keyboard for pen and paper and I think that freed me. This week, I woke often at 3:30am and just wrote and wrote. I think of my writing now as decidedly DRAFT, rather than a version that anyone will ever see. Hell, maybe I'm not even writing book, maybe I'm just engaged in middle of the night therapy sessions. The decision to use pen and paper was an important step. I didn't quite realize it, but as soon as I sit down at a keyboard, I clam up a bit. Perhaps I am thinking about how easily even a bit of typed anything can be transferred anywhere. Pen and paper feels safer. And my earliest attempts at writing are just so raw. They're good: good in their rawness. I think. Pretty sure the rawness would go away if it was filtered through the keyboard.
Also...pen and paper also feels like so much control! Generally, I don't feel very in control in other areas of my life at this time. I feel more dependent on other people than I have in years. Oomph. I've been listening to Pink Martini's rendition of Que será, será. It's on a CD in my car so that I don't listen to NPR (media!) while driving around.
What stupid lyrics in that song!
Singer: Will there be rainbows day after day?
Me, talking to the CD player: No. No! NO!
I installed a magic eight ball app on my phone to help me with accepting my lack of control. I often ask it VERY IMPORTANT LIFE CHANGING questions. Sarcasm here. Is anybody still reading this blog?
Just for the record, this app seems to be a little biased in the positive answers. I find myself adjusting my questions accordingly. So that I can get the answer I want, you know. (It's still all about control. Even when I'm trying to give it up.)
Mostly, this book is born out of my over-imagination and under challenged self at work.
With regards to work: I'm really trying to be very patient and simply learn the software Revit and do all the drafting work that needs to be done anyway. I must learn! I tell myself. BUT I AM BORED OUT OF MY F*CKING MIND. Also: being, essentially, a draftsman is sort of a waste of the things I am good at. But I must learn Revit! And Revit is fine. Whatever. I'm not jumping up and down over it. It's not elegant or refined enough for my tastes. The interface is often excessive. The nomenclature is not consistent enough. It's a documentation of design program that gets a C in design of itself. Building a 3d model that generates sections and elevations and plans is supposed to be a time saver. But in reality, instead of spending time drafting plans and sections and elevations, I spend time managing the model so that it looks right in plans and sections and elevations. It's a wash on efficiency. Seeing as how knowing Revit is pretty much the only way I can have an architecture job, I suck it up and do it. If I had my own firm (some day!), I'd look at different software. Over my career there has been software that fits me like a glove and enhances my skills. And then there has been software that just gets me from point A to point B. Revit is in the latter category. However – as an architect, with projects of a certain size – I think you just get penned into the industry standard for coordination reasons, regardless of how well the software fits your approach.
That was a long aside. The point is: I respect the need to learn Revit; I respect the fact that I simply must do it to learn. I am really grateful to have the opportunity. Last year at this time, it wasn't so clear that I would have the opportunity. So I do my best to stay focused on the task at hand. However, I'm really not being optimally used, I'm dis-satisfied and sometimes even offended by some of the office dynamics, and the quality of design wants serious reinforcements (and I can't seem to figure out how to help with that), so I need to have some focus other than work. Even when I am at wallowing away at work:
Now that I've started writing my book, the words just flow. I ditched my keyboard for pen and paper and I think that freed me. This week, I woke often at 3:30am and just wrote and wrote. I think of my writing now as decidedly DRAFT, rather than a version that anyone will ever see. Hell, maybe I'm not even writing book, maybe I'm just engaged in middle of the night therapy sessions. The decision to use pen and paper was an important step. I didn't quite realize it, but as soon as I sit down at a keyboard, I clam up a bit. Perhaps I am thinking about how easily even a bit of typed anything can be transferred anywhere. Pen and paper feels safer. And my earliest attempts at writing are just so raw. They're good: good in their rawness. I think. Pretty sure the rawness would go away if it was filtered through the keyboard.
Also...pen and paper also feels like so much control! Generally, I don't feel very in control in other areas of my life at this time. I feel more dependent on other people than I have in years. Oomph. I've been listening to Pink Martini's rendition of Que será, será. It's on a CD in my car so that I don't listen to NPR (media!) while driving around.
What stupid lyrics in that song!
Singer: Will there be rainbows day after day?
Me, talking to the CD player: No. No! NO!
I installed a magic eight ball app on my phone to help me with accepting my lack of control. I often ask it VERY IMPORTANT LIFE CHANGING questions. Sarcasm here. Is anybody still reading this blog?
Just for the record, this app seems to be a little biased in the positive answers. I find myself adjusting my questions accordingly. So that I can get the answer I want, you know. (It's still all about control. Even when I'm trying to give it up.)
Friday, January 12, 2018
Week One
Okay, so I've now made it one week without obsessively reading (or listening to or watching) the news. I still managed to pick up a little bit of the week's more egregious stories while scrolling through my facebook feed.
I do rather miss knowing what's going on. At the same time, you know the parenting strategy, where you don't reward bad behavior by giving it attention? That's what I'm doing right now. I'm withholding attention due to bad behavior.
This week has been an additionally challenging one at the Wyse home since Fritz is out of the country. Consequently, I'm a single parent, working full-time with three kids. I had to take some time off today because the babysitter couldn't watch the kids. It's the first time I've taken off since starting my job in October, and I tried to cram in all sorts of errands and activities. I will tell you, it's NOT more difficult to be working full-time. For most days during Fritz's travel, I have been able to rely on the time at work to be child-free. That wasn't really an option when I was a SAHM. So, in some ways, being SAHM with a traveling partner was actually more difficult.
Still, it's no fun. The week started off well enough. On Monday morning, Noah made me coffee for breakfast and Mattias unloaded the dishwasher! That was an amazing start! But by Thursday morning, Mattias and Noah decided to prank their sister by covering every handle and door knob in her room with toothpaste or lotion or gel soap. I heard her screaming upstairs – she wouldn't come down to me – and I got a nice handful of toothpaste on my own hand when I opened the door to find her "trapped" in her room. And then there was a sudden fascination with wax and candles. At one point, Noah headed to the park with his friend with a bunch of tea lights, matches and aluminum foil. I still don't know exactly what he was doing or thinking.
The person who has really kept me afloat this week is my No News Media Sponsor. He didn't quite know what he was getting into when he convinced me to pull the plug on the media. I'm not sure if it was subconscious on my part - perhaps I knew I would need someone to talk to amid all insanity that comes with Fritz being gone and in a totally different time zone? He was my sponsor for the no media campaign, for Fritz being gone, and my sounding board for job stuff.
The Sponsor lives in another state and our friendship goes back about 16 years; he predates Fritz in my life by about a year. I don't have a lot friends. I feel like relative to most people, I certainly am not in touch with many friends from so long ago. I blame it on all the moving I've done in my life. BUT ANYWAY. It is magical to have someone who will text you out of the blue and tell you stories about yourself that you had forgotten and offer unconditional support when you are feeling alone.
I do rather miss knowing what's going on. At the same time, you know the parenting strategy, where you don't reward bad behavior by giving it attention? That's what I'm doing right now. I'm withholding attention due to bad behavior.
This week has been an additionally challenging one at the Wyse home since Fritz is out of the country. Consequently, I'm a single parent, working full-time with three kids. I had to take some time off today because the babysitter couldn't watch the kids. It's the first time I've taken off since starting my job in October, and I tried to cram in all sorts of errands and activities. I will tell you, it's NOT more difficult to be working full-time. For most days during Fritz's travel, I have been able to rely on the time at work to be child-free. That wasn't really an option when I was a SAHM. So, in some ways, being SAHM with a traveling partner was actually more difficult.
Still, it's no fun. The week started off well enough. On Monday morning, Noah made me coffee for breakfast and Mattias unloaded the dishwasher! That was an amazing start! But by Thursday morning, Mattias and Noah decided to prank their sister by covering every handle and door knob in her room with toothpaste or lotion or gel soap. I heard her screaming upstairs – she wouldn't come down to me – and I got a nice handful of toothpaste on my own hand when I opened the door to find her "trapped" in her room. And then there was a sudden fascination with wax and candles. At one point, Noah headed to the park with his friend with a bunch of tea lights, matches and aluminum foil. I still don't know exactly what he was doing or thinking.
The person who has really kept me afloat this week is my No News Media Sponsor. He didn't quite know what he was getting into when he convinced me to pull the plug on the media. I'm not sure if it was subconscious on my part - perhaps I knew I would need someone to talk to amid all insanity that comes with Fritz being gone and in a totally different time zone? He was my sponsor for the no media campaign, for Fritz being gone, and my sounding board for job stuff.
The Sponsor lives in another state and our friendship goes back about 16 years; he predates Fritz in my life by about a year. I don't have a lot friends. I feel like relative to most people, I certainly am not in touch with many friends from so long ago. I blame it on all the moving I've done in my life. BUT ANYWAY. It is magical to have someone who will text you out of the blue and tell you stories about yourself that you had forgotten and offer unconditional support when you are feeling alone.
Sunday, January 7, 2018
News Media Diet Day 2
Now that I'm on a news media diet, my friend, who dragged me into this and who shall henceforth be known as The Sponsor, has all sorts of productive activities for my time. Not all of them have been great suggestions, but I seem to be making progress from my initial withdrawal period.
Initially, The Sponsor thought that I should spend more time being present with my kids. I had to remind The Sponsor that having three kids is nothin' like having one kid - you really, truly are not able to Be Present with three kids at the same time without losing your mind.
(Although, I did manage to take them ice skating today, with the help of another friend. Here they are post-skating. Notice the sheer goofiness of my three. They weren't able to sit still. Apparently, we did NOT wear them out with skating.)
The Sponsor relented slightly (maybe because I keep sending him photos like the one above) and came up with some more intellectual uses of my news-media-free time: design and architecture blogs and articles to read, updating my LinkedIn profile, and an architecture related proposal to read and give feedback on.
Oh dear, there is nothing I love more than being a critic and giving feedback! As I told Fritz, maybe I could review and critique proposals for a living. Is that a job? Can I make it one? Oh, how I love having an Opinion!
It HAS been a lot of fun to do professional-related things, instead of reading about Washington, DC. I've already started collecting ideas. It's a lot more rewarding to collect and share ideas about architecture and design than it is to do the same with political stuff. Well, honestly, I never shared the political stuff because, I mean, really, who needs more of it?
I feel rather silly that my Sponsor needs to give me directions. And yet, knowing that you should do something and being accountable to someone to actually do it, are different things. I'm glad that he's holding me accountable. I'm not sure I would have made it quite this far.
Several people have offered to let me know if there is anything NEW in the news. I'm really thankful for these offers, as I am still experiencing some anxiety about what I am missing out on.
Saturday, January 6, 2018
Media Diet
My friend has convinced me to go on a media diet. Essentially: stop reading the newspapers, stop listening to the news, stop watching the news. He claims to have been on the media diet for a week and he feels much happier. I've been on the media diet for 36 hours now and I feel...lonely.
He says the loneliness is withdrawal.
Well. I confess to being to sucked into Washington DC Reality Media more than I wish. I confess to being concerned that I'm spending way more time rubber necking a train wreck than doing productive counter-measures. I confess to believing someone has way too much negative influence, too much media attention, and part of it IS attributable to people like me and our media addictions.
At the same time, I worry about being complicit if I'm not paying attention.
My friend's plan is that he isn't looking at the news until after the midterm elections. I'm not sure I can go that long. But I'm thinking maybe I can make it a week.
Just to see how I feel after one week. I'll keep you posted.
He says the loneliness is withdrawal.
Well. I confess to being to sucked into Washington DC Reality Media more than I wish. I confess to being concerned that I'm spending way more time rubber necking a train wreck than doing productive counter-measures. I confess to believing someone has way too much negative influence, too much media attention, and part of it IS attributable to people like me and our media addictions.
At the same time, I worry about being complicit if I'm not paying attention.
My friend's plan is that he isn't looking at the news until after the midterm elections. I'm not sure I can go that long. But I'm thinking maybe I can make it a week.
Just to see how I feel after one week. I'll keep you posted.
Thursday, January 4, 2018
The Great Bedroom Migration
Last year, my parents flew in for the week between Christmas and New Years. In typical form, we came up with A Project to do while they were here.
The Project was to finally move all the Wyse children into their own bedrooms. This is something we've been meaning to do since the house renovation in 2015. It only took three years.... last week, Fritz and I moved into the master bedroom, which we've been using as a guest bedroom since we bought the house seven years ago. Trixie moved into our (old) bedroom. (Previously, Trixie and Mattias were sharing a bedroom.) And my visiting parents stayed - for the first time - in the guest room in the basement. Whew! There was painting, deep-cleaning, furniture dis- and re-assembly, stuff-purging, and carrying things up and down flights of steps. One day, Fritz's Fitbit informed him he had 42 flights by noon. Everything is still disheveled and a bit haphazard. But I'm sort of appreciating the empty/half-finishedness. Trixie, for example, is still sleeping on a mattress on the floor in her room. But it no longer feels crowded. And the labor-intensive part is over.
To move into the master bedroom after seven years is basically moving into a new house. The floor is undamaged. The walls don't have a ring of dirt around the bottom 3 feet. The master bedroom – with two sinks in the bathroom! and two closets! – feels like it's meant for someone more grown up and more sophisticated than us. It doesn't feel right. It's too much. In this neighborhood, all of the houses have master bedrooms (or owner's suites - whatever you want to call it). To be honest, I've always looked at everyone's else's "fancy" suites and taken some amount of pride in our more humble bedroom. Guess I can't do that any more. Now we have our master bedroom, just like all the other neighbors. People in glass houses, right? But: shouldn't there be some sort of snappy, slightly derogatory term for people who own houses with master bedrooms? I mean: it's not just me, right? There's something kind of uncomfortably weird and privileged and first world about it... (No matter what name you give it: master bedroom or owner's suite.)
Over the last seven years, we've slowly expanded into the space of the house. This was always Fritz's view of how life in this house would go: we grow into it. I think this is a rather German perspective. Most Germans buy ONE house and live in it their whole life. As a result, there's a lot less property turnover in Germany. Most Americans, on the other hand, move frequently, buying bigger houses as their families grow. I guess so far, Fritz'z strategy has worked for us. I wonder if it will accommodate us for another seven years? Our family isn't getting bigger, but the kids will physically get bigger....
The part that I would like to see: which seems to be neither common for Germans, nor common for Americans, is the downsizing part. Once the kids are gone (oh please, let them go to college and be gone at 18ish...), it would be nice to have LESS. I would like to live in less space, I would like to have much less stuff, and I would like to spend less time fussing over school districts and neighborhoods. Generally, I miss less. I miss the simplicity that seemed so much more unattainable when I was single, or when it was just Fritz and I. I continue to feel really tired by all the stuff and complexity that comes with the 4 other people in the house. And it's not that I don't constantly fight to have less...or maybe it's the fact that I feel that I AM constantly fighting for less. And losing. It didn't feel like such a losing battle before kids.
Well, anyway, everyone has their own space now. I would like to tell you that it was unnecessary and an overkill. But I would also like to mention that the kids are fighting less. There's been an uptick in pride for the space that IS their room: is it messy, is it clean? Maybe ownership is helpful for kids, too: If it IS messy, I better clean it up because no one other than me is responsible. Still, still...it all feels extravagant.
The Project was to finally move all the Wyse children into their own bedrooms. This is something we've been meaning to do since the house renovation in 2015. It only took three years.... last week, Fritz and I moved into the master bedroom, which we've been using as a guest bedroom since we bought the house seven years ago. Trixie moved into our (old) bedroom. (Previously, Trixie and Mattias were sharing a bedroom.) And my visiting parents stayed - for the first time - in the guest room in the basement. Whew! There was painting, deep-cleaning, furniture dis- and re-assembly, stuff-purging, and carrying things up and down flights of steps. One day, Fritz's Fitbit informed him he had 42 flights by noon. Everything is still disheveled and a bit haphazard. But I'm sort of appreciating the empty/half-finishedness. Trixie, for example, is still sleeping on a mattress on the floor in her room. But it no longer feels crowded. And the labor-intensive part is over.
To move into the master bedroom after seven years is basically moving into a new house. The floor is undamaged. The walls don't have a ring of dirt around the bottom 3 feet. The master bedroom – with two sinks in the bathroom! and two closets! – feels like it's meant for someone more grown up and more sophisticated than us. It doesn't feel right. It's too much. In this neighborhood, all of the houses have master bedrooms (or owner's suites - whatever you want to call it). To be honest, I've always looked at everyone's else's "fancy" suites and taken some amount of pride in our more humble bedroom. Guess I can't do that any more. Now we have our master bedroom, just like all the other neighbors. People in glass houses, right? But: shouldn't there be some sort of snappy, slightly derogatory term for people who own houses with master bedrooms? I mean: it's not just me, right? There's something kind of uncomfortably weird and privileged and first world about it... (No matter what name you give it: master bedroom or owner's suite.)
Over the last seven years, we've slowly expanded into the space of the house. This was always Fritz's view of how life in this house would go: we grow into it. I think this is a rather German perspective. Most Germans buy ONE house and live in it their whole life. As a result, there's a lot less property turnover in Germany. Most Americans, on the other hand, move frequently, buying bigger houses as their families grow. I guess so far, Fritz'z strategy has worked for us. I wonder if it will accommodate us for another seven years? Our family isn't getting bigger, but the kids will physically get bigger....
The part that I would like to see: which seems to be neither common for Germans, nor common for Americans, is the downsizing part. Once the kids are gone (oh please, let them go to college and be gone at 18ish...), it would be nice to have LESS. I would like to live in less space, I would like to have much less stuff, and I would like to spend less time fussing over school districts and neighborhoods. Generally, I miss less. I miss the simplicity that seemed so much more unattainable when I was single, or when it was just Fritz and I. I continue to feel really tired by all the stuff and complexity that comes with the 4 other people in the house. And it's not that I don't constantly fight to have less...or maybe it's the fact that I feel that I AM constantly fighting for less. And losing. It didn't feel like such a losing battle before kids.
Well, anyway, everyone has their own space now. I would like to tell you that it was unnecessary and an overkill. But I would also like to mention that the kids are fighting less. There's been an uptick in pride for the space that IS their room: is it messy, is it clean? Maybe ownership is helpful for kids, too: If it IS messy, I better clean it up because no one other than me is responsible. Still, still...it all feels extravagant.
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