Fritz once told me that this person – let's call him Albert – was making me behave like an abused person. I say this carefully because Albert never abused me openly. But he was an autocratic individual who had a perchance for yelling at the people around him who didn't live up to his standards. His leadership techniques included dripping with condescension, rapid firing rhetorical questions, or openly making fun of other people. Somedays, I would tell Fritz, "It was a good day today, Albert didn't yell at anyone." And that is when Fritz would tell me, "You sound like an abused person."
I didn't think I was abused at the time. But I DID know that Albert's value system was SO DIFFERENT from my own that my time within his sphere of influence would be limited. I would limit it myself, because Albert was simply NOT SOMEONE I COULD RESPECT.
Also: because I never saw myself as a victim, it was a surprise to find myself shaking to a voice that sounded like Albert's. I considered the possibility that I was actually more negatively impacted by Albert than I thought. I was, once again, grateful to be far away from Albert.
It made me think about how many of us live in fear, and how many of us may even be living in fear without acknowledging it. I feel lucky to have had Fritz to help me keep my head on straight. It's hard to have perspective when you are so desperately trying not to stumble and attract the wrong kind of attention.
I'm also thinking about a couple of people in my life right now, who may be in the a similar position of fear. If someone is in a situation where they feel that they can't make any mistakes without repercussion, belittlement, or antagonism – how does that impact their behavior? How does it replicate itself in their other relationships? Is there a way to stop the abuse (or the bullying) without removing the bully? It's something I suddenly feel the need to research.
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