Seque

This weekend, I'm doing some much needed distraction: that is, I'm obsessing over small things that don't truly matter rather than thinking about bigger issues. I used to joke with people that I needed time to just sit and stare at the wall - (um, kind of like mediation) - but now, I don't really stare at the wall, so much as take photos of stuff with my phone. It is still very zen-like.

This is one of those origami (Moravian) stars sitting on a copper tray that used to belong to Fritz's grandmother. Something about the way the paper and metal were contrasting each other was fascinating. Also - both materials look soft and hard at the same time. Neat.

In contrast to that image - the image below is all the same material. This is a wavy dimensional tile just installed in one of my work projects. It's all white - so the pattern you are seeing below is actually from shadows. There's a chipped bit in there - that's why I was taking the photo. But overall, I was struck by just how graphic and contrast-y it is - considering that the tile is one single color.

These are the one single shoe that I could wear all the time. My parents got this particular pair for me for Christmas. But it is the third time that they have bought (almost the exact) same shoe for me. I started wearing a shoe like this around 2002, and I haven't stopped. Every three years (or so) I stick them my Christmas list. The good news is that I will truly squeeze every penny of value out of these shoes.

At our house, we are hoping to optimize value by expanding upon Noah's cooking repertoire. This is a meal that NOAH made. That's right, the 11 year old made this. Can you believe it? It's a Jamie Oliver chicken recipe. Noah had to stuff herbs and butter under the skin of the chicken (Ew) and when he finished doing that, he still wanted to make the homemade pasta on the left of the photo. AMAZING.

Our refinished dining table is holding up pretty well, but our not-refinished dining chairs were falling apart. Since I can't seem to squeeze refinishing into my schedule (for 6 years now), we sucked it up bought these Ikea chairs. I was very much liking these chairs back in 2013, but couldn't bring myself to buy them (or their even nicer cousin, the Mantis Chair). And guess what? The Ikea ones were discontinued, so then I really couldn't buy them. Until one day I luckily found SIX on Craigslist and could then justify the (second-hand) cost.

Rather than going second-hand, we got a new rug in the living room.  Well, actually, my brother got it for me. (Thank you!) Worried a bit that it was too matchy-matchy with my mother-in-law's artwork hanging on the wall, but I think it's good. Our living room gets a lot of kid-play, so I'm hoping it will hide the kid's dirt as well.

It's probably time for me to stop ignoring the mess and do something a little more productive. Here's to a perfect balance or productivity and distraction on your weekend.

Visions of Success

I've had way too many commitments going on lately: the holiday stuff, the work stuff, the re-new my architectural license stuff, volunteer scout stuff, volunteer in the neighborhood stuff, the household visitor stuff, and the kids-are-not-in-school stuff. I've also been working on some side projects – an architecture project to be more precise – that I hoped would turn into an opportunity to leave my full-time job and venture out on my own.

It didn't pan out.

Better to find out now than later. Still... working on it was about 25 hours of work that I didn't really need on my plate this month.

As a result of this experience, I find myself thinking a lot lately about how I define success in my professional life. I want to be intellectually challenged, but not overrun by hours of work at someone else's whim. (I REALLY don't want to work for a firm that double and triple books my time.) I'd also much rather have flexibility than reliability. I'd prefer a variety of work to redundant work. I'd prefer clever, respectful co-workers over funny, dramatic, or lone wolf-types.

I'd like to choose my own poison, rather than be spoon fed it.

I would like to work on a solid computer system, because there is nothing more annoying (to me) than a slow/under-powered computer backing up to a server over the internet. I would like to work with a solid software packages that are optimally utilized, because lacking software or inadequate utilization of computer software is close second for frustration. When the computer works, when the software is available and appropriately utilized, working on my computer is almost zen-like. I'm in Flow, I'm in the Zone, I'm so happy! Sitting in front of my glowing monitor, all the chaos of my household life and three-kids-two-cats-one-au-pair melts away and I have in my computer a perfect, abstract model of a building under my control. Again: I'm so happy in this state! But when the computer stops working, or the saving takes a long time, or the internet slows down my speed, or the software isn't available: I'm miserable! I'm miserable when I don't have tools that I need to control the work that I am doing.

I'd like to hold myself and those around me to a high moral standard. It's deeply disappointing to see people in power who are manipulative, abusive, rude, or disrespectful. I don't want to support this type of person as an employee, employer, or client. I want the ability to walk away from people like this. I want to vote with my feet.

I've said (over and over and over again) that my goal is to have my own firm. Still is. It needn't be big. It can be just me and just a few projects. What is clearly not my dream, or not my version of success, is to work for a big firm and be a cog in the wheels. Is that anyone's dream? Probably not: but I do think there are a lot of people out there who would choose the security of a corporate type job to risk of being independent. There's nothing wrong with that. It's just not for me.

Additionally: I can't help thinking that the state of comfortably employed as being the truly risky matter. As an architect, I spend time watching the winds of the economy. The construction industry is always the first to fall and the last to rise when the economy tanks. I've been an architect through one recession and one downturn, so I don't take their impact lightly. I wonder if it might be easier to support yourself as a sole proprietor, with little projects, in a recession? I don't know - but I do know that overhead is a significant part of architectural costs. There's also the fact that as an employee, you are ultimately dependent on a very few people's evaluation of you. Do they think you are working hard enough? Are you profitable enough for the company? How are you in comparison to the person sitting next to you? These questions will maintain or end your employment. Where as, if you work for yourself, you are likely to have a much larger pool of opinions to draw upon.

I try to paint this picture of myself – this picture of where I want to be – so that when opportunities arise to be more independent, I can pursue them. I'll get there; I know I will. It just takes time.

Meta

Last week I decided to collect all my blogging back on this blog. There wasn't a lot to be moved, but it's all here now and I feel pretty good about that. I filed the entries under the dates that they originally appeared on my other blog: 10 posts from between March 2018 and October 2018. The lesson learned it that it was not a good period of my life when I felt like I had to segment myself (including my blogging self) into pieces. If I find myself doing that again, it's a warning sign.

Work continues to be pretty intense and stressful, but the arrival of our new au pair has helped greatly to balance things out around the house. She is really doing an amazing job with the kids, and an amazing job keeping the household together. I thought that MAYBE with the kids in school full days, MAYBE it wouldn't be necessary to host an pair. But my new theory is that as long as Fritz and I continue to work full time jobs outside the home; and as long as we continue to have no helping family nearby, we will continue to host an au pair.

Long term, I still have the same goal that I've had for years and years: my own architecture firm. Going back to work after my career break confirmed it. Working in two very different offices since I've returned reaffirms it. I was telling my very good friend and mentor about this the other day: I know I need to have my own architecture firm IN MY BONES. At the same time, I'm cautious, careful, and calculating: because I ALSO know that I need to learn more and prep more before I'm ready.  I'm open to possibilities; but I'm not foolish. I'm also really, really lucky to be at my current job - with all the growth and responsibility and potential that I've been given. It's full of wonderful (albeit stressful) opportunities. I just need to make sure I keep my eye on the long term goal and strategically learn what I need for the next steps.