Originally published on my other blog.
Me. Or not.
Right now, as my office is busily looking for its next hire, the woman-denigrator-in-chief has decided to hire another female.
At first, I was annoyed that women WEREN'T being hired. But now that the upper levels of the office have been stacked with men, it appears that some young, fresh out of school female intern will be added (at the bottom). The woman-denigrator-in-chief talks about all the women from the far flung corners of the United States who are just dying to come to our office. To myself, I snort, thinking that this is only because they're not here on the local scene to know catch a whiff of the truth.
What is bothering me intensely is that my name and my accolades sit there on the office website, like some sort of endorsement of the office. I remember when I was a young intern, I looked for offices with strong females. I looked for a certain level of education and age of the female employees. In short, I looked for older, accomplished women who could be my mentor. My current bio is notdifferent from what I looked for when I was fresh out of school. I figured if I admired the resume of the women at the office, it couldn't be a bad place for other women, right?
In this case, that answer would be WRONG.
It's really, really bothering me. I've faced relentless discrimination and belittling in this office...that wouldn't hold up in any sort of lawsuit. Another female – no longer with the firm – left suddenly and collected a "severance package" after only one year at the firm. That's the type thing I worry about more. Why does one collect a severance package, especially if one leaves suddenly after a year?
The men in my life remind me that the severance package story is not my story to tell. But I'll tell you what: as soon as I get out of this office, I will be leaving a very pointed review on Glassdoor, detailing my own experience. And if I could leave something on the "Shitty Architecture Men" list – or find its mirror – I'd do that, too.
It's just wrong, wrong, wrong.
Tuesday, April 10, 2018
Thursday, April 5, 2018
Playlists
Originally publicized on my other blog.
Lately, I have been making playlists of music. I'm trying to make playlists that tell stories.
There's an interview by Terry Gross with Lin-Manual Miranda. In the interview, Miranda talks about making mix tapes in his youth. Being about the same age as he is, I suppose, I also have fond memories of the mix tapes that were made for me. But I never made mix tapes myself. I always wondered just how much I should read into mix tapes that were given to me. One boyfriend made me a mix tape with They Might Be Giant's Lucky Ball and Chain, and I was like, WHAT? Are you telling me something? (We didn't last much longer; and I am SO NOT a ball and chain. Please! I'm, like, SUPER low maintenance.)
The other thing that inspired this new activity is that I've noticed how directly impacted I am by what I am hearing. Ever since our middle child was born, I've realized how my concentration or mood can be influenced by the noise surrounding me. Since I started working, and listening at work, I've noticed how some music makes me focus better - and some music makes me angry - and some podcasts are just way too distracting to listen to.
Anyway. Playlists are fun! Fussing around them in digital form is really a user-friendly experience.
How have I missed out on this technology for the last two decades? I'm also really surprised how hard it is to make a great playlist, even WITH digital technology. I've started testing my playlists out on other people...just, you know, casually feeding them via bluetooth into the car radio when I have a captive audience. It's fun to see how people react...do they sing along subconsciously? Do they ardently ignore what's playing? Does the playlist seem to impact our conversations?
Lately, I have been making playlists of music. I'm trying to make playlists that tell stories.
There's an interview by Terry Gross with Lin-Manual Miranda. In the interview, Miranda talks about making mix tapes in his youth. Being about the same age as he is, I suppose, I also have fond memories of the mix tapes that were made for me. But I never made mix tapes myself. I always wondered just how much I should read into mix tapes that were given to me. One boyfriend made me a mix tape with They Might Be Giant's Lucky Ball and Chain, and I was like, WHAT? Are you telling me something? (We didn't last much longer; and I am SO NOT a ball and chain. Please! I'm, like, SUPER low maintenance.)
The other thing that inspired this new activity is that I've noticed how directly impacted I am by what I am hearing. Ever since our middle child was born, I've realized how my concentration or mood can be influenced by the noise surrounding me. Since I started working, and listening at work, I've noticed how some music makes me focus better - and some music makes me angry - and some podcasts are just way too distracting to listen to.
Anyway. Playlists are fun! Fussing around them in digital form is really a user-friendly experience.
How have I missed out on this technology for the last two decades? I'm also really surprised how hard it is to make a great playlist, even WITH digital technology. I've started testing my playlists out on other people...just, you know, casually feeding them via bluetooth into the car radio when I have a captive audience. It's fun to see how people react...do they sing along subconsciously? Do they ardently ignore what's playing? Does the playlist seem to impact our conversations?
Wednesday, April 4, 2018
Discrimination
This post originally appeared on my other blog.
Today, there was a coordination meeting in my office. All the people at the meeting were men. And then, about 5 minutes after the meeting started, a woman showed up. She sat down at the table and apologized for being late. The meeting continued. The men in the room did not even acknowledge her for another 10 minutes. After 10 minutes of "coordinating" among themselves, they asked who she was and who she was representing.
If it were me, I would have been enormously pissed off. I mean: maybe she should have introduced herself as well as apologizing for being late. BUT. Really? Not a single one of the five men in the room had the grace and manners to acknowledge her for 10 minutes? Really?
She was notably brisk and succinct when they finally turned their attention to her and asked who she was. (I would have been, too.) She did not make chit chat, and she did not stay for longer than it took for her to finish her coordination. She made a dismissive remark as she finished: "Well...we will get our drawings to you and then you can edit out all our really cool ideas."
Ouch. But I hear you, sister. I hear you. Did this happen because the tardy consultant was female? Not necessarily, but it does fit a pattern of behavior towards women in my office.
Also: whether it was gender discrimination or not, I am thoroughly embarrassed by the oaf-en behavior in my office. More than that, it is seriously dragging me down, too.
When I started at the office my goals were: learn the latest architecture software, learn whatever I can from my colleagues, and, in this particular office: improve the quality of the design, so that I could be proud of the projects I was working on.
But then, I started to think there were bigger, structural problems than simply improving the quality of the design.
I started to notice the negative patterns of treatment with regards to women. It was in the way that women clients were talked to. It was in the way our female consultants were referred to. It was in the way the women in the office were not given opportunities. It was in the job applicants who were interviewed and who were not. It was in the jokes that were shared. The office could be like a locker room. A real good old boys club. I've not experienced this before in architecture, or certainly not to this extent. Maybe I've just been lucky. Or maybe it's this office. I prefer to think it's this particular office – and not some newly woke me. I've always been a feminist; I was only about 2 classes short of an official double major in feminism in college.
Then, I thought, well... I will lead by example. We will clean up this locker room. I ditched my feminine clothes for slacks and button down shirts such that it would be really, really clear that I was at work to WORK. (So Gen X, I know!) If one of the guys was spending too much time adjusting himself, then I kept careful eye contact, but raised my eyebrows. That's a mom trick, by the way. I shouldn't have to use it on a mid 30s career professional, but it works on them almost better than on a 10 year old.
I also started to work on improving the basic manners in the office. Like, it's nice to greet someone with hello and goodbye. When someone sneezes, say bless you. Say excuse me when you get in someone's way. Say please and thank you. None of these simple things were occurring. That's just weird, right?
That meeting? Obviously, there's still a big way to go. But sometimes I think that what I have cleaned up has come at the price of some male colleagues feeling particularly threatened by me.
I started researching discrimination in the workplace and what can be done about it. I started documenting the patterns I observed. But from what I've read, and what I've experienced this far, I'm pretty sure there is almost nothing that can be done. I'm sure there's a pattern, but how long do I really want to spend documenting it, you know? And to what end? Also, I saw my own anger reflected in the woman at the coordination meeting. She handled the situation well given the awkwardness of it – you understand, I am NOT FAULTING HER A BIT – but I just don't want to live my life with 4o hours a week that make me angry. I sincerely hope that when she got back to her office, she was able to speak openly about her bad experience with an office full of wise colleagues. And I hope that bad taste in her mouth was weakened considerably. I know that I'm not at my best when I am angry.
What did Uma Thurman say about Harvey Weinstein? "And I have learned that when I've spoken in anger, I usually regret the way I express myself. So, I've been waiting to feel less angry, and when I'm ready, I'll say what I have to say."
Right. So well said. Naturally, I am not taking about sexual assault here, but I am talking about something that looks an awful lot like gender discrimination, and this is how I feel about it. I hate to speak when I am angry. But I AM ANGRY. And I also dislike saying nothing.
Today, there was a coordination meeting in my office. All the people at the meeting were men. And then, about 5 minutes after the meeting started, a woman showed up. She sat down at the table and apologized for being late. The meeting continued. The men in the room did not even acknowledge her for another 10 minutes. After 10 minutes of "coordinating" among themselves, they asked who she was and who she was representing.
If it were me, I would have been enormously pissed off. I mean: maybe she should have introduced herself as well as apologizing for being late. BUT. Really? Not a single one of the five men in the room had the grace and manners to acknowledge her for 10 minutes? Really?
She was notably brisk and succinct when they finally turned their attention to her and asked who she was. (I would have been, too.) She did not make chit chat, and she did not stay for longer than it took for her to finish her coordination. She made a dismissive remark as she finished: "Well...we will get our drawings to you and then you can edit out all our really cool ideas."
Ouch. But I hear you, sister. I hear you. Did this happen because the tardy consultant was female? Not necessarily, but it does fit a pattern of behavior towards women in my office.
Also: whether it was gender discrimination or not, I am thoroughly embarrassed by the oaf-en behavior in my office. More than that, it is seriously dragging me down, too.
When I started at the office my goals were: learn the latest architecture software, learn whatever I can from my colleagues, and, in this particular office: improve the quality of the design, so that I could be proud of the projects I was working on.
But then, I started to think there were bigger, structural problems than simply improving the quality of the design.
I started to notice the negative patterns of treatment with regards to women. It was in the way that women clients were talked to. It was in the way our female consultants were referred to. It was in the way the women in the office were not given opportunities. It was in the job applicants who were interviewed and who were not. It was in the jokes that were shared. The office could be like a locker room. A real good old boys club. I've not experienced this before in architecture, or certainly not to this extent. Maybe I've just been lucky. Or maybe it's this office. I prefer to think it's this particular office – and not some newly woke me. I've always been a feminist; I was only about 2 classes short of an official double major in feminism in college.
Then, I thought, well... I will lead by example. We will clean up this locker room. I ditched my feminine clothes for slacks and button down shirts such that it would be really, really clear that I was at work to WORK. (So Gen X, I know!) If one of the guys was spending too much time adjusting himself, then I kept careful eye contact, but raised my eyebrows. That's a mom trick, by the way. I shouldn't have to use it on a mid 30s career professional, but it works on them almost better than on a 10 year old.
I also started to work on improving the basic manners in the office. Like, it's nice to greet someone with hello and goodbye. When someone sneezes, say bless you. Say excuse me when you get in someone's way. Say please and thank you. None of these simple things were occurring. That's just weird, right?
That meeting? Obviously, there's still a big way to go. But sometimes I think that what I have cleaned up has come at the price of some male colleagues feeling particularly threatened by me.
I started researching discrimination in the workplace and what can be done about it. I started documenting the patterns I observed. But from what I've read, and what I've experienced this far, I'm pretty sure there is almost nothing that can be done. I'm sure there's a pattern, but how long do I really want to spend documenting it, you know? And to what end? Also, I saw my own anger reflected in the woman at the coordination meeting. She handled the situation well given the awkwardness of it – you understand, I am NOT FAULTING HER A BIT – but I just don't want to live my life with 4o hours a week that make me angry. I sincerely hope that when she got back to her office, she was able to speak openly about her bad experience with an office full of wise colleagues. And I hope that bad taste in her mouth was weakened considerably. I know that I'm not at my best when I am angry.
What did Uma Thurman say about Harvey Weinstein? "And I have learned that when I've spoken in anger, I usually regret the way I express myself. So, I've been waiting to feel less angry, and when I'm ready, I'll say what I have to say."
Right. So well said. Naturally, I am not taking about sexual assault here, but I am talking about something that looks an awful lot like gender discrimination, and this is how I feel about it. I hate to speak when I am angry. But I AM ANGRY. And I also dislike saying nothing.
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