Anyways

This weekend I made about 8 new Schultüten for my Etsy store. I just.can.not.let.go of my Etsy store, even though I have less time than ever to work on it. Also: the pay is lousy. I'm much better off doing architecture.

The problem with giving up the Etsy store is: it's mine! Even though I have an official job, I just don't get the satisfaction of ownership from the day job that I get from my Etsy store. Also, the TYPE of work that I do for the Etsy store: it's sort of mindless, so I find myself thinking about other things. It's not quite that I daydream while I sew. To be honest: it's more like I'm plotting. Plotting while I iron, plotting while I zigzag, plotting as I stab pins through the fabric. Except for the part about it being the weekend and feeling like I should be doing fun stuff with the kiddos, I feel REALLY HAPPY to be making something and to be plotting while I make. And I feel happy to be more or less working alone.

I don't quite know how to resolve this: on the one hand, I love to think about building teams and finding the perfect niche for every person. On the other hand, there are so, so, so many times when I just want to be left alone to do whatever the heck it is I want to do. My need for alone time is still so great. I feel ashamed of it. I have yet to figure out how to convey to people: "No, no, thank you, I just want to be left alone," without people looking at me like I have a contagious disease.
All the kids are back home now. There are less than two weeks until they are all in school again. I think they are ready. I've been catching them playing school with the stuffed animals. It seems that happens every summer just before school starts.