Thinking

This week I am thinking about how much I appreciate having Fritz around. Without him, the kids seem needier. The days seem longer. And there's no other adult with whom I can decompress. I feel more tired than normal.

***

The kids have taken an interest in gardening this year. All those years of helping me plant and this year: it clicked. "Plants grow! We can make cool spaces and have stuff to eat with growing plants!" They've used up all my spare seeds planting a garden around the playhouse. They have strings running everywhere in hopes that the sweet peas and grape vines can be trained to make a canopy. They've created stone paths running through the mulch. It looks surprisingly...good! I don't know why it took so long for them to get to this level of play. But it's really nice to see.

***

It's so scary and so exciting to begin new things. And uncomfortable. This week is my first week at a new job and I feel...slightly bored. I mean: I love learning new things, but sometimes I wish the process was quicker. It's so rewarding to be productive and crank things out. I like to feel productive. The first week on a new job is not productive. Or at least, mine hasn't been. I think about how much I could be getting done at my old firm, and I sigh. I miss my productivity. But I don't miss the bad aura that hung over the old office. Not that I believe in auras. But then again, maybe I do.

***

I'm drinking wine tonight, before I put the kids to bed. That's unusual for me. But I have a really good wine. So that's encouraging me. It's suppose to rain all weekend. I'll be stuck in the house with three kids. That's bad. I'll be lonely, even though I'm surrounded by kids. Drink more wine, I think.

***

My former coworker is a foster mom for abandoned kittens. The kittens are adopted from her when they get old enough for adoption. Right now, she has two itty bitty kittens. Females. They get along really well. They sleep in a pile. I would like to adopt them. The kids would like to adopt them. Fritz is not on board. Maybe I just need to adopt them while he's gone. Cats might be better than wine when I'm sitting here, feeling alone.

***

Also: are we done with this school shooting problem? I am. I'm done with the guns. Like, just done. Let's get rid of them. F@#$ the second amendment and your interpretation that I disagree with. I am done. We are done. It's time to step up and be done collectively.