On the one hand, it does seem like the situation could be fodder for some delightful I-told-you-so(s).
On the other hand, I am genuinely hopeful that I am (instead) pleasantly surprised.
The last time I checked in about childcare, we were interviewing au pairs* to take the place of our nanny. Our nanny has been an AMAZINGLY wonderful fit who has made my transition from SAHM to full-time WOHM smoother than we could have ever hoped.
However, she is pregnant and expecting in March. Our last day with her was last Friday. It was a sad day for everyone. The kids loved her, we loved her, and I think she even thought we were an okay bunch.
(*Just to clarify, I use the term babysitter or nanny to refer to someone who comes to our house on a daily basis to take care of the kids. An au pair, however, is a young person between the ages of 18-26, from a foreign country, who would live at our home for one year and provide childcare services in exchange for a combination of room and board, college courses, and a small weekly stipend.)
Fritz and I have had a hard time deciding what we should do. The babysitter's pay takes up more than half of my salary after taxes. She costs about the same amount as an au pair, but works about half the number of hours. Our first thought was to find an au pair. Even after our struggles with Lucy last year, there's something really appealing about having a third set of hands (always) around the house to help out. We don't have grandparents or aunts or uncles nearby, so it's really hard to catch a break. I mean: of course, we can always hire a babysitter – but not for less than $80 and 4 hours. And we can ask friends – but how much are we willing/able to rely on other people's generosity? Even after 10 years, we acutely feel the weight of not having immediate family nearby. There was something magical about being able to leave the kids for 30 minutes and run a quick errand with Fritz when Lucy was here. In our current life, without an au pair, we don't have that. Whenever we want some adult together time, it's a huge production of preparation and money.
Also, remember all that work I put into getting the house ready for Lucy? We are all set up to host an au pair! (Trixie and my brother and my father and) I invested so much time and energy in getting things ready. Sometimes, I stand in our unused au pair room and feel sort of sick about all my un-utilized effort.
Well, okay, confession: *I* felt strongly about trying an au pair again. I thought we'd make a bit of a break from Lucy and try a male au pair. I hoped a male might have more energy and athleticism to keep up with my busy crew. Noah strongly supported a male au pair, too. He's at that age where he really craves male role models. I also saw the au pair as a means to completing some of more personal desires:
1) Passing off my morning wrangler and chauffeur routine. Right now, I spend the hours between 5:30am - 8:30am getting everybody and everything ready and driven to their appropriate destinations. and...
2) Wow! Maybe I'd find some time to start running or rowing again in the morning! THAT would be awesome. and...
3) I also thought maybe Fritz and I could have some regular date nights. I really miss being with Fritz without the kids around.
Fritz, however, had other ideas. After a fair amount of hemming and hawing about the au pairs we were interviewing, he decided that HE would start taking care of the kids.
In order to do this, he would go into work every morning by 5am. That would allow him to leave work at 1pm to pick up Trixie. Then he'd spend the afternoon with Trixie, Mattias, and Noah.
Um.
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| (Day #2 of Fritz-care: Noah makes apple tarts) |
The plan got more elaborate: Fritz started talking about how much he was looking forward to this. And how he was going to teach the kids to clean up after themselves. And how he was going to run errands in the afternoon so we no longer have to fit all our grocery shopping into the weekends and evenings. And Fritz was going to get all the laundry done before the weekend. And he was going to work with Noah on his writing and typing! And he was going to teach Noah to cook. And how Noah and Fritz were going to make a Youtube cooking station for kids.
I was like, Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Sounds great, honey!
But inside I was thinking: Can't we just have date nights and quick runs to the grocery store together and time for me to run in the morning?
To my friends, I said, "I think he's having a midlife crisis that involves large amounts of time taking care of the children, so I should just count myself as lucky, right?"
The problem is NOT that I don't trust Fritz. I do. I think he might need to lower his expectations a wee bit...but I do think this plan is great for the kids. And probably good for him, too.
The problem is that *I* want more time with Fritz. Is this plan good for us, as a couple? Um, maybe not. This plan, if anything, gives us less time together. If our first week is any indication, this new schedule is going to be grueling.
Sometimes I'm tired of being tough and responsible and always putting the kids first. I just want more time with my husband. (And I want to fit in a morning run, you know?)
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