Houseguest Process

My mother-in-law was here visiting for about two weeks.

My opinion about houseguests has really changed over the years. When Noah was still a baby, and even when Mattias was a baby, I loved houseguests because they provided me some adult time and some extra help around the house. And I didn't need to hire a babysitter! As our family grew, the visits stopped being very helpful. The kids were really upset by the change in routine and dynamic. I was overwhelmed between the responsibilities of being a good host and the needs of the children. By the time Trixie came along, I really had my hands full with the kids' needs. The job of hosting, too, was one too many.

Now that we've made it through everyone's toddler and baby years, I have a little bit of space again. Hosting is easier than before. But I still don't enjoy it the way I did when Noah was a baby. It's still more work for me: the invisible kind of traditionally-woman-work, for which I am not paid/ compensated. I think I'm NOT supposed to complain about it because it's just expected, right? Also, we visit other people so I guess I should just see it as a trade-off, right? But still, taking care of the kids is MORE difficult with houseguests. And the houseguests are more people to take care of. I think it's okay if I acknowledge the many sides of the situation, yes?

My current strategy is to clear out my schedule and lower my expectations. I don't expect to complete projects. I don't expect to have a surplus of help. I try to keep everyone happy. I try not to feel resentful.

I think it mostly worked this time. Which means, we made it through without major breakdowns. The kids created artwork with Oma. We had a gallery opening on the last night of her visit.

It was very sweet. We will definitely be finding permanent places for some of these. The kids were so proud of their work. Oma did a lovely job presenting their work and talking about all the techniques that they tried in artist-speak. They just beamed with pride.

But getting there was sometimes fraught. Turns out, the kids are every bit as opinionated about their art as Oma is. Also, my kitchen island looked like this for almost the entire two weeks:

Let's get a closer look at that mess, shall we?

I was a good sport publicly. But I kept thinking to myself that I know many who would never allow such a mess to accumulate – and stay for two weeks! – on the kitchen island. I cringe to think of those sayings about how Your Space Reflects what You are Feeling on the Inside. If an organized house is an organized mind, is a super-organized house an uptight mentality? I guess we can just think of our island mess as full of variation, depth and complexity. Convenient! Those are my favorite types of people!

Summer Transition

There's always a bit of lag time between the end of school and the start of summer: time when we haven't quite figured out the new rhythms. Time when some of us feel more edgy/less comfortable/not relaxed. Yesterday, 10 days into summer, it started to feel like we were finally reaching the new summer equilibrium. I do think it takes that long.

I often heard people in Germany say that you should never go on vacation for less than two weeks, because it takes at least one week to stop thinking about work. We don't think that way AT ALL here in the US, but I do believe there's some truth to it. Three day vacations are pretty much the worst: you spend all the time anxious and prepping (prepping to leave, anxious to be in a new situation, and prepping to return) and no time relaxing. Ironically, we've actually codified this miserable experience with wisdom like: Fish and visitors stink after three days (credit Benjamin Franklin). No wonder we have an epidemic of ADHD here in the United States; we're culturally way too quick to change course when things feel slightly uncomfortable. We can't make it through the transition to the enjoyable part. We give up – while quoting our efficient founding father – even when it comes to vacation.

Summer Resonation

Summer vacation for the kids has started and I've been making a list of things I'd like to do this summer:

1) Learn Revit, the omnipresent architecture software. I'm hoping to accomplish about 60 hours of training with tutorials. I think this is a drop in the bucket on learning the software, but everyone has to start somewhere, so here's to hoping the drops result in some waves...

2) Manage my smart phone better: as in, let it go! I think I'll a) NOT carry it with me and b) only check it 2-3 times a day. My Achilles heel is not social media, but the news app. I need to stop reading the news app. Also, the kids are better behaved when my phone is put away.

3) Have more fresh produce ready for snacking and eat it. Sometimes I've been really good at always having freshly prepped fruits and vegetables on hand. Sometimes I've been really good at ignoring all the produce I bought until it rots in the fridge. This summer, I'd like to make sure that I always have some fresh produce ready to eat. And I'd like us to eat it before it goes bad. Most importantly, the kids eat things better when they are ready to eat: peeled and chopped cucumbers, peeled and sliced apples, peeled carrot sticks, sliced peppers, chopped celery, etc.

4) Change the conversation. I need to have fewer negative conversations. When I lived in Germany 10 years ago, I felt like Germans had a lot of negative, depressing conversations. It was draining. I decided Germans were pessimistic. But these days, I find myself feeling the same way about most of my conversations with fellow Americans. The conversations are dark and ominous and hopeless. I have some theories on if-something/what-has changed. Whatever the culprit, whatever the theory, the important thing right now, is that I do what I can to change the conversations around me. Instead of being negative and reactive, I have to choose to be positive and proactive.

Now I better hit publish so that I can be held (a bit) accountable to my list.