Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Church Wedding

Last Saturday was my brother-in-law’s church wedding (and party)! It was a really lovely and intimate group of people. It was also cold and rainy. A Chinese guest told me that rain on the wedding day is considered good fortune in China – it means money will rain on you in your life together. 


The kids mostly managed to hold it together. Not easy considering the run-up of events leading to the church wedding. There was the only one photo of all three dressed up* that I managed to take. Noah was the ring bearer. Mattias and Trixie were flower children. We had them all practice before the wedding. And, well, they kind of got it right.


After the church wedding, there were cake pops and a log saw in the plaza in front of the church. The log saw is a Bavarian wedding tradition. It’s also another German wedding game, because sawing this way with two people can be quite difficult. The trick is to only pull the saw, but not push. Fritz and I did a log saw at our wedding, too. Except I think our saw was significantly longer and more difficult to use. (It sounds sort of boastful to say that, but, it really was true. Although, on the upside, my own brother modified our log, making it easier to saw.)



There was a good amount of down time when we were just waiting around at the castle for the party afterward. I know, from experience, that this is NOT AT ALL how it feels for the bride and groom, who feel they are rushing from one thing to the next with no time to visit with anyone. My in-laws did an awesome job trying to combat the kid’s boredom. I think the kids might have received more gifts (while waiting) than the bride and groom. And there were these play-push vehicles that showed up in the castle courtyard. Fritz and I were biting our knuckles as their little suited knees skimmed over the top of the wet stones. GULP.


After dinner, there was a dance, pretty much like an American wedding. The kids were really pretty tired by this point, and Trixie fell alseep in my arms. (I transferred her to Fritz at some point.) I think we made it until about 10:30pm, and by then we felt like we could go back to our hotel and sleep without seeming too rude. Noah was disappointed to leave just as the cake was being served. But the newlyweds invited us to their home for coffee and cake the next day, so hopefully Fritz and I were forgiven (by Noah).



*I’ve learned a lot about boy’s suits in the process of getting the boys outfitted for this wedding. Here’s my advice if you are required to buy a suit for a boy: Appaman. Have you heard of Appaman? I hadn’t. Their suits are really good quality and really well-designed for kids (not adults), AND not so different in price from the department store. And now that you know Appaman is such good quality, you can just go straight to the second-hand store and save yourself money, time from trying on not-so-great suits, and all the associated protests from a kid who doesn’t want to wear his suit/change his clothes. Mattias’ suit is the Appaman suit; Noah’s is not. Mattias has asked if he can have another one because it’s “so nice and comfortable.” (!) It also looked consistently good in the photos.

Friday, May 15, 2015

Civic Wedding

Today was my brother-in-law's civic wedding. This is one of the ways that American weddings and German weddings are generally different: German weddings usually consist of the civic marriage, which takes place in the courthouse and is officiated by a public official, and then a religious marriage, which takes place in a church and is ordained by a religious leader. In the United States, a marriage license is granted by a public official, but the actual marriage takes place separately and the rules of who can perform a marriage vary greatly by state.  I, personally, like the idea of dividing marriage into civic and religious components. I like it because it seems to support the idea of the separation of church and state.

In some (cynical) way, I can't believe that the wedding industry never clued into this difference and pushed for something similar in the United States, especially with all the discussion about civil unions and marriage in the last decades. What if (all) Americans were required to get a civil union for state purposes, and then they got a marriage from their religious/spiritual leader? WOW! This was the wedding industry's chance: because what costs more than one wedding? TWO weddings!

Okay, so onto wedding number one, the civil wedding, where we were at today. If I were to guess, I would guess that I'm going to be a bigger fan of the civil wedding (today) than the church wedding (tomorrow). This is the first time I've been to a civil wedding in Germany. Usually, they are limited to immediate family and witnesses.


For this wedding we went to the Old City Hall (Altes Rathaus). I had to smile at this sign. It reserves a parking space for wedding cars directly outside City Hall:


This City Hall is only open for weddings on regular work days. For obvious reasons, Friday is a popular day to schedule the wedding.  I was told that there is only space for about 20 people in the room where the wedding is performed. The wedding before us, however, must have had 50 people in the room. Here we are waiting in the hall, outside the rooms for the wedding:


We were suppose to be quiet for the weddings that were occurring in the rooms before us, but I have to confess we were not particularly quiet. There appeared to be two weddings, in two separate rooms at a time. Most brides get a different dress, one for each wedding. Our turn for the wedding:


The sign by the door says "Trauzimmer" Wedding Room. Again, being unfamiliar with the custom, I find this very interesting. The public official is holding the door. She's probably embarrassed for me and all my photo-taking. Here's what a Wedding Room looks like:


White shears and red drapes. The wedding only takes about 20 minutes. Fritz says it is mostly bureaucratic. I missed it because Trixie was upset about something and we had to leave the room.


Afterwards, we went outside onto the pedestrian street. Even though each wedding is a relatively small number of people, there are a lot of weddings happening. So there's confetti and people drinking champagne, and brides and grooms everywhere. There are also random people from the city and tourists walking by, etc. It's like big informal party in the street. I love this! It's a totally different type of wedding atmosphere from anything I've ever experienced in the US.


The Germans I know really like to play games at weddings. Games are apparently not reserved for the party after the church wedding. Here's a game played in the street outside City Hall. The bride and groom will use itty bitty fingernail scissors to cut the heart shape out of this sheet:




And the groom carries the bride through the cut out:



Success! And maybe a little more challenging than carrying her over the threshold!

(I then asked if I could then use those little scissors to finish cutting my kids' nails.  Just kidding. You know I couldn't resist adding that!)

Thursday, May 14, 2015