We had a pretty eventful last week: first, two of our three kids came down with something requiring antibiotics. Second, Lucy really blotched up on her caregiving responsibilities. Third, Fritz got quite upset with her and spoke to her sternly. Fourth, Lucy was upset by this and requested to find a new family for which to be an au pair.
Eh. You know, I have loved, loved, loved having some time to myself. But I haven't been very happy with Lucy's job taking care of the kids or their stuff. I do feel like I've really poured a lot of time and effort into training her and making her happy and comfortable so that she can do her job well... Last night, I had to write an evaluation of how everything has/had been going. It's a very factual evaluation, unlike what I do here on the blog. I carefully listed out all of Lucy's responsibilities and how well she has or has not completed them. The more I wrote, the more apparent it became to me that she's really consistently underperformed. There has only been one big goof up, but there are a whole slew of little misses that we decided to let go. The best things I could say about Lucy were things like: "very affectionate with the three year old." I did NOT add details like, "way too encouraging of pink and princesses."
Those type of details are irrelevant in a general evaluation, but I confess they are deeply relevant to me personally. Because details like that really do help shape a child. I have no doubt that Trixie loved Lucy, and loved that Lucy indulged that "pink" side of her personality. It may have impacted Trixie; lately, she's taken to throwing herself on the floor and sobbing when someone interrupts her or doesn't do what she's asked. Trixie didn't used to do this. It emerged with Lucy's care. And it may be simply developmental. Or it maybe that she's spending too much time with someone who also engages in this type of behavior at an semi-adult level. Either way. Enough.
So, Lucy is leaving. I've already suspended her childcare responsibilities so that she can focus on finding a new family. She will continue to live with us for 2 weeks at most.
I'm regrouping. I'll be taking care of the kids myself while we consider what to do next. I don't know. I may just try to keep networking and casually looking for work over the summer, and then get more serious again in the fall. I feel let down (in many, many ways), but I also feel somewhat relieved. I will try to stay focused on the positive.