The weight of things going on in life has overwhelmed my ability to small talk. As far as this blog goes: I think it's healthy to post about small things. I think it keeps me from being overwhelmed. I think I'm better at small talk in real life when I'm practicing it here on my blog. And yet, at the same time, when I am feeling particularly worried, it's hard to think about the details. It's hard to be lighthearted. It's hard to be funny. It's hard to be creative.
Instead, I find myself obsessively reading the latest news cycle to take my mind off Weighty Things in Life. It's a poor strategy. The news cycles have been pretty horrible the last month.
I'm not a big fan of being obtuse, nor do I want to overshare: so let me do a short version of Weighty-Things-in-My-Personal-Life:
My mother had a series of panic attacks last month. This is the first time anyone I love has ever spiraled into panic attacks. My experience has been: you see it coming and feel pretty helpless to do anything about it. Actually, I was very concerned that the whole spiral was going to end in a heart attack (or worse). So far, I've noticed one doesn't just snap out of it. It takes time. It takes medical leave. It takes patience. What else? I don't know, I'm still learning about this. I feel frustrated to be thousands of miles away.
My uncle, who lives nearby, has spent the last 3 years battling lymphoma. He is undergoing his third round of chemo now. The most recent cancer return has been the most aggressive variant yet. The cancer is everywhere in his body, and most days it feels like every piece of medical news is bad news. In fact, about three weeks ago, the doctors gave him 2-3 weeks to live without treatment. He's still alive. I'm learning the human body can do amazing things, but learning this through experience is not something I would wish upon anybody.
I think: I would like to stop reading the newspaper. I would like to post about non weighty topics. I think I will post about other things. But I also felt like I had to share this information to move forward.