I'm in quite a slump lately. I'm going to confess to you that I'm pretty sure it's mainly because of my size. I feel so big and so bloated and so uncomfortable in my own skin. I don't like to admit this at all: because I don't want to admit how affected I am by the social pressure to weigh less and be thinner. But I AM affected by it. And it's messing with my psyche.
The other day, my friend patted my belly and told me how big it's getting. It is. SIGH. And then she told me how healthy I look - healthily pregnant. I determined to take it as the the perfect thing to say. I AM healthily pregnant. Of course, when I say that I'm healthily pregnant, I'm thinking about my actual physical health, and not my generous weight gain; this pregnancy has been my healthiest when it comes to viruses and colds and such. I'm thankful for that, (but it doesn't mean I'm not ready for it to be over).
A few of my (nonpregnant) friends have gone on weight loss programs lately, and they ARE losing weight. They are looking different. But to be honest, I don't really know what to say about it. If the weight loss equates to feeling better (in all it's variations), then I am happy for them. On the other hand, if I say things like, "Wow! You're looking good!" I'm somehow implying that they weren't looking good before. And I don't want to say that. Their weight loss doesn't change how I feel about them as friends or people, but it might change how they feel about themselves, you know? And if they feel better, that should be acknowledged, right? Or NOT, because acknowledging it is reinforcing that they should conform to social pressure to be thin and that we should all have psychological stress if we're not thin??? I don't know! What's the best thing to say? And how does what we say reinforce how we feel?
How many years of being told I look "good" when I am at my thinnest have contributed to my own slump right now?