The ultrasound says we're having a girl.
I'm not so excited. In fact, it's three weeks later and I'm still adjusting to this information.
At one point, I really wanted a daughter. But then I gave birth to two boys. And I adjusted my expectations. And I refocused. And I was really, really okay with having a third boy. Have you met mothers of three or more boys? They're an admirable bunch that I would be proud to be a part of.
Also, the longer I've been out of little girl culture, the more foreign it's become to me. And frankly, I've got some serious concerns about little girl culture these days. Princesses? What are those? I don't think we had princesses when I was a child. American Girls? Huh? Aren't most of us (in the US) American girls? WHY were all the little boys at the swimming pool under 7 years of age wearing swim trunks AND swim shirts this summer, while none of the similarly aged girls were wearing half as much swim clothing? I'm not even sure that I own a proper pair of heels anymore. Hmmm.... No, I don't. I wore clothes that were unisex as a child. Well, maybe not everything was unisex. But, do you remember that? Unisex clothing for kids?
I'm not sure I can get raising a girl right. I'm not sure I ever figured out how to be a very good version of 'girl' myself.
Maybe the ultrasound is wrong.
But it looked like a girl to me, too. In Germany, the standard of care during my pregnancy with Noah was an ultrasound at every check up. I got used to looking at those ultrasound images. Also, I'm an architect, I'm trained to think in section. What I'm saying is: I think I'm somewhat adept at reading ultrasound images.
It did look like a girl.
Another observation: there's been a totally different reaction when I tell people I'm pregnant with a girl than the last two times when I told people I was pregnant with a boy. There's a lot more enthusiasm. And a lot more talk about cuteness and beauty and clothes. Maybe that's because I already have two boys? Or maybe it's expected that I want a girl this time? It's especially interesting to me because I've seen (twice) how both my boys gravitate towards vehicles versus dolls. Over the last 5 years I've thrown up my hands innumerable times when trying to de-traditionalize their gendered play. I guess it's nature, nature, nature, I mutter to myself, because obviously I'm trying to nurture them in other ways. So then, to find myself in this position, of being treated differently simply when I tell people I'm having a girl.... It's kind of crazy, you know? Kind of makes one think about the subconscious sides of the nurture argument.