For the past few weeks, I've been working on one of those mommy projects. I took it on for the usual mommy reasons: I believed it was something that will benefit my children as well as others, I saw that nobody else was stepping forward, and I felt that I was somebody mostly able to do it (given my schedule and the ages of the piccolini, etc).
To this point, taking additional responsibility in the piccolini's activities is something I have avoided. I feel I spend so much time with them, that it's healthy for them to be apart from me. And I know that it's healthy for me to have some time apart. After about 12 hours of piccolini care giving, I'm tired of thinking about piccolini. I want to think about myself. I want to indulge in writing something here, or watching a show on netflix, or drinking wine with Fritz, or just staring at the blank wall. I don't want to spend any more time thinking about piccolini. I realize this may sound harsh. It's the reality of my SAHMommyhood - I don't feel one iota of guilt about the amount of time I spend - or don't spend - with the piccolini. But I do feel an acute need to escape them. I feel it every single day. (And I'm ashamed to admit that, so go easy on me.)
On this particular project, like I said, I've put my escapist feelings aside. Because it's for the greater good...there's a need...the piccolini will truly benefit...nobody else is doing anything about it.
So I was rather upset yesterday, when upon completing my work, and sending out the information via email to all the other interested parties, one of the other parents replied to all - that, yes, thank you but here's why the plan was not good and they wouldn't be taking part.
Some people would handle this type of thing better than me. My first instinct was to debate in yet another (reply to all) email. I'm a little confrontational - and argumentative - and contrary by nature. What if her paranoia infected the whole group and RUINED my efforts? I had to stop this! My next thought was that, no, attract more bees with honey, keep it positive, keep your eye on the ball, Ann, you want this to be a success. People can make up their own minds. The comments won't have that much influence. But then, I started thinking, whether or not I believe the criticism is legit, other people might have similar concerns. Therefore, maybe I should simply address it (reply to all) and move on. But my blood is still boiling, so I haven't done anything.
I'm feeling this on a personal level for reasons that I can't quite put my finger on. Something about the nature of the concerns feels like a commentary on my SAHMommyhood. I have to resist the urge to pull out my before-child resume and rub it in some faces. See, I can be professionally successful too! I'm not dumb! And I'm not going to be your chump for this project, just because you think you have some sort of greater social value because you get paid money for what you do! See, I can wow you with my incredible ability to cite building codes while using keyboard shortcuts on outdated computer drafting programs! Yes, even I find my own reaction a little pathetic.
I had this editorial swirling around in my head last night as well. It didn't improve my mood. I was extremely bothered by the way the authors neglected to directly address REASONS why there aren't more women in positions of power in the business world.
Also, that stupid Reply-to-all command. In this particular group, I think there needs to be more communication, so I'm glad that there's at least discussion, if we can call it that. But it's so easy to destroy with dissent. Have you ever received an Evite - and you are excited thinking about the upcoming party - and then you go to the Evite RSVP and you see that, say, 10 out of the 16 people invited aren't coming because of blah, blah, blah and immediately, your heart sinks a little? I, personally, see this and feel the need to cheer a little bit louder. Yes! Yes! I'm coming, it will be great! Looking forward to seeing everyone!
This is a small, little blip in a big, huge world, but it kept me awake last night, just the same. I know it's silly. But I thought I'd share it with you anyways.